Yesterday, the other pregnant lady at the library asked me if we had started registering for gifts yet. I told her that I didn’t think we were going to register at all. I explained our plans to buy most stuff used and that we have friends and family who have finished having babies who have offered us hand-me-downs as well. She was seemed surprised that I wasn’t going to register for gifts, and pointed out all the stuff that you can’t get used that we would need (on her list: baby shampoo and ora-gel swabs for teething, among many other things), and said that we might as well register for them.
I don’t care if I am the last holdout in the country on this. There will be no baby registry and no baby shower. Most of my friends have already had babies and are not planning to have more, so they are giving us all sorts of used baby stuff (my friends know I’m the queen of thrift stores and that I have no problems with second-hand stuff). Same goes for family – both of my husband’s sisters have finished having babies, and have offered lots of their stuff to us. That’s plenty – I hope that they don’t feel the need to buy new stuff for us as well. Hopefully by not registering for gifts and not having a shower, we can make people feel more comfortable with the idea that we don’t expect gifts. I hate the idea of making a shopping list of stuff that we want and then expecting all our loved ones to go buy the stuff on the list. I know that everyone does it, but I’ve never done stuff just because everyone else did it.
In high school, I didn’t buy a letter jacket or class ring. My mother took my senior pictures, and I ended up with 6 different pictures, and we spent about $20 for reprints. I didn’t send graduation announcements for high school or college, because I didn’t want my family (most of whom live very far away and would never have been able to attend) to feel that they needed to send me anything. When we got married, we sent personal, handwritten letters to our friends and family after the fact, including pictures from our wedding, but we never registered for any gifts. So I’m in the habit of looking at things from my own point of view and doing what I feel is right, not what everyone else does. And I feel very uncomfortable with parties whose primary purpose is to bring gifts, and I feel even more uncomfortable with gift registries. So we will not be having either.
We’re thinking about having our family and friends over for a ‘meet the baby’ party next summer. It would be a casual, bbq-type get together, and the baby would be there, as opposed to the traditional baby shower where the baby is still just a bump. Whatever we do, I want to make sure that nobody feels that they have to give us a gift. I understand that people like giving gifts – I love giving things to the people I love – but I don’t want the terms to be dictated by anyone or by any particular day on the calendar.
Mrs. Micah says
I think a meet the baby party sounds like a lot more fun! Baby showers are ok, but they seem to go on forever. Plus, as you say, no baby. If I’m going to make a special trip to see someone, I’d rather meet the baby as well.
Who knows, maybe people will come forward with offers of diapers and the like. And if not, it sounds like you’re getting a lot of excellent used stuff. :)
Ashley says
We’re doing a baby party as well as soon as the little one arrives and we get settled in as a family of four.
You wouldn’t want the baby shampoo that people would buy you anyways–and the conventional teething gel isn’t safe anyways. Plus, I’ve never actually seen someone give that as a gift! You could do an online registry at a cloth diaper website if you have out-of-town friends that would like to buy you cloth. That’s the only thing on our registry right now, and since we saved most of the stuff from my son cloth diaper-wise, it isn’t a lot. Oh, and maybe a good sling. The baby bjorn is impossible to nurse in and becomes uncomfortable after the first few months but a sling lasts all the way through (my son still rides in one and he’s two and 28 lbs.)
With my first, I had a ridiculous baby shower where I took absolutely everything back.
Lauren says
I agree with you completely. And Mrs. Micah’s comment about a meet the baby party is intriguing.
I recently threw my friend a shower for her first child. It was at a park, I made the food, and no presents were required (but we’re all knitters, so who could resist?) The point was for us all to get together and have fun. I felt it was really special that there was no pressure about gifts to distract us from fellowship.
arduous says
I completely see your point about getting things used, and I wish more people would do that instead of insisting on new, new, new for things that their baby will grow out of in a few months anyway. But the thing that gives me pause is, you can’t really choose to not have a shower, can you? I mean, usually they are thrown FOR you and they’re surprises.
My feeling is, if someone loves you and wants to throw you a shower, you kind of just have to accept it, and enjoy it, because it is giving them pleasure to be doing this nice thing for you.
Debra says
I did have a baby shower and received a lot of wonderful gifts; however, one thing I’ve learned is that you really don’t know what you need or what your baby will like until he/she has arrived. I registered for and received a Baby Papasan bouncy seat that everyone told me their babies loved … well, it turned out mine was the only baby who didn’t feel the same way. He hated it. There were a few other items which were “must haves” which simply haven’t been that way for us.
Craigslist has been a great way for me to get used items in good shape which my son is really putting to use.
Congrats on your pregnancy!