We’ve all heard how expensive children are. And there are definitely some expenses that are tough to avoid. We’re paying about $270/month for health insurance for our two boys, and there’s not really a way around that expense (we have a high deductible health insurance policy already, so that cost is on the low end of the scale). We’re also putting $100/month into each of their college accounts. Technically that money is still ours, and growing. College accounts are not a necessity, but they’re something that we feel will be a worthwhile investment years in the future.
Other than health insurance and the college accounts, we have very little in the way of expenses for our boys. We’re only three years into the whole parenting adventure, but we’ve managed to avoid a lot of the expenses that tend to go along with having very young children. I still shop exclusively at Goodwill for our older son’s clothes, and our younger son is just wearing hand-me-downs. We wanted to give our son a bike for his third birthday, and we found one on Craigslist for $20. It needed a bit of work, and my husband spent a couple hours fixing it up before we gave it to our son. But for $20, we ended up with a perfect birthday present that our son loves.
Our son adores trips to the library and the local parks. He likes going for bike rides and feeding ducks. He spends his days playing in the backyard, “cooking” in the living room with all of my pots and pans and utensils, drawing, and “crafting” with stuff like pipe cleaners and return address stickers that come in the mail. It’s rare for us to spend money on stuff to entertain him (although we did spend $75 on a used train table earlier this year, and he’s had lots of hours of fun with it). He mostly uses his very active imagination and the wealth of stuff that he finds in the house and out in the yard. His clothing costs us next to nothing. We did spend quite a bit of money on his mattress, but that’s something he’ll use for a long time, and we felt that it was worth the cost.
We don’t make trips to Target or Babies R Us. We use cloth diapers exclusively, and have never purchased formula or baby food (our son eats what we eat, and has from the time he started eating solid foods, thanks to an inexpensive baby food grinder). We try to keep clutter to a minimum, and that includes “kid clutter”. We’ve found that we just don’t need most of the stuff that is marketed to new parents. We kept all of the stuff we did use with our first son when he was smaller, and that means we literally need nothing at all for our second son. I’ll probably look for a double jogging stroller sometime this summer once our baby is old enough to sit in one, but they are pretty easy to find on Craigslist. Other than that, I can’t think of anything we need for our baby that we don’t already have. I know that hand-me-downs won’t work forever, since we’re starting to get into the stage where our older son will be wearing out his clothes before he grows out of them. But we have “free” clothes for our baby for at least the first three years.
One huge bonus that we have is that we don’t pay for child care. We’re lucky, but we also put a lot of effort into establishing a home-based business several years before we had children. My husband works full time at our business, and I work very part-time (about two hours a day right now) so that I can mostly be a stay at home mom to our boys. Child-care is definitely a huge expense if you have to have it, but I know a lot of families have found that with a little creativity they can either switch to living on one income or two part-time incomes, or rearrange work schedules so that both parents can take turns being at home with the children.
Even though we’ve kept our child-related expenses to a minimum, just the health insurance and college accounts comes to nearly $500/month. But there’s a flip side to the expenses that come with having children. There are a lot of things that we aren’t spending money on anymore, that we probably would be if we didn’t have children. Before we had kids, we usually took at least one vacation a year, usually to a relatively far-away destination. We had more shopping trips, and weekend get-aways to little resort towns. We went out to eat and to the movies… These days, we much prefer to take our sons to the park or to the library. Our younger son doesn’t care where he is as long as he can nurse whenever he likes and get snuggled most of the day. Our older son is just as happy at a lake with a pail and a shovel as he would be at a beach on a tropical island. We tend to focus our entertainment activities around things that are fun for a three-year old, and we’ve found that most of those things are free or very low cost. We spent Mother’s Day at a huge park about ten miles from our house. Our son’s best friend was there too, and the kids had a blast feeding ducks, riding their bikes, and playing on the playground. Total cost: $3 for the bread we got for the ducks.
So although we’ve found that there are definitely unavoidable expenses that go along with having kids, we’ve also found lots of areas where our expenses have dropped in the last few years, specifically because we have children. I know that this won’t always be the case. Ten years from now, I know I’ll be making a whole lot more food than I am now (leftovers might be a thing of the past!) and we’ll have more expenses for our boys as they approach young adulthood than we do now when they are little. But I think that we’ll be able to stay pretty frugal with two kids as the years go by. What do you think? If you have kids, do you think you’re spending more or less overall than you were before you had kids?
KAS says
We’re looking to have kids soon, and it can be scary to think of all the money you could spend. Glad to hear it can be done frugally!
Kelly says
I agree you certainly don’t need all the things the baby mega store tells you you need. With my three year old daughter, I never bought formula or baby food, and don’t intend to for the one on the way. We used cloth for a majority of her diapering days, and we have those for the new baby as well. One thing I am starting to find cost in is activities. I certainly don’t enroll her in every activity, and one of her favorites is the free toddler art class/story time at the library. Since we are going on vacation with my parents (all expense paid! otherwise we wouldn’t go, don’t need the expense!) and will be spending a majority of the time in the pool, I thought it wise to invest in some swim lessons. I wanted to make sure my daughter was comfortable in the pool. Not totally necessary, but she loves them. She also really wanted to take a “ballerina class” like some of her little friends (peer pressure at 3?) so I signed her up. All the classes are through the local park district and are fairly reasonable, even on our humble budget. The other cost I am dreading is the $140 a month for preschool starting in August. But again, we certainly don’t jump on the bandwagon and enroll our daughter is every activity. A friend of mine was listing all the activities her two kids are enrolled in throughout the summer and I went home and pulled out the park district catalog and it was over $1000 in activities, and I probably forgot a few! My daughter loves to go to the park or wade in her little pool or play in her sandbox. She has a billion toys, almost all gifts, but loves rocks and boxes and her babies (stuffed animals) the most and ignores half of them. I would love to get rid of some, but I have a bit of an emotional attachment to a lot of them and have a hard time parting (as in, “Granndma bought her that toy, we can’t get rid of it. Or so-and-so bought her that toy in random place, so we can’t get rid of it.” )
All that rambling to say, kids don’t need to be nearly as expensive as society would have you believe. It is pretty easy to keep expenses down if you are willing to have the “I don’t care what everyone else does” attitude. But of course, that applies to all aspects of frugal living.
mommymommymommy says
I have three kids…16 and 8.5 year old twins. It gets way more expensive as they get older.
Kate says
I don’t have any kids yet, and I expect when I do that I won’t be spending much on “stuff” for them. However, my understanding is that a lot of the expenses for kids as they grow older come from their activities. Like Kelly said, you certainly don’t need to enroll your child in everything that comes along, but there are a lot of experiences that parents can’t provide by themselves. There are valuable things to be learned from playing team sports, learning an instrument, going to summer camp, taking a class at the rec center, etc. While I don’t plan on overwhelming my future children with these activities, I certainly want them to have these options available so that they can experience the things that my husband and I cannot personally provide for them. Similarly, while traveling with young children can be treacherous, older children can gain so much from vacationing in new places. This doesn’t mean a $8k trip to Disneyland with lots of souvenirs to clutter the house when we return. Visiting different counties, cities, regions, etc can provide a greater diversity of cultural awareness, an appreciation for nature, new lenses to view their own home, etc. I realize that this experiential learning can happen close to home, but learning about different places is so much more powerful when you get to be there. Seeing pictures and learning facts just aren’t the same as going someplace and experiencing it for yourself.
Basically, I completely agree that children don’t need much stuff to be happy and healthy and grow into successful adults. But I also am well aware that my expenses will certainly increase when I have kids. I hope to maintain my frugality in a way that prevents excess and promotes an appreciation for what we have, while also realizing that even though there are many free (or almost free) worthwhile experience my children can have, there are also many experiences that are worth paying for.
Des says
I think you are failing to account for opportunity costs. Yes, you don’t need to pay for childcare, but only because you are forgoing working full time. It is still “costing” you money, you just don’t feel it the same way. I do think that you can buy things used and do free entertainment, but the biggest expense of kids is paying someone to watch them, whether that be you or someone else. It may be the life you want, and that is wonderful, but you really can’t deny that kids are very expensive. And, as others said, there will be more expenses as they get older.
Sustainable PF says
I think a lot of the online calculators take things like utility bills and housing into account.
Your boys bathe and hence will use warm water which means you got billed for electric (or gas) and possibly water (depending on where you live). Your boys may forget to turn lights off, uses power. Or perhaps you have more parts of the home you have to heat or cool.
Those same calculators, I believe, assume little ones can break things (including parts of the house) so maintenance is increased. And i’m sure those calculators take into account the food consumption increase – even from 2 smaller bellies.
Lastly, those calcs will ask if there is a parent staying home or not. If not, there goes the day care expese, but at the loss of one income. If both parents work they incur the daycare cost.
Anyhow – I really liked this article. We’re expecting our first in October and a few bloggers told me to keep an eye on your site as you write about things that will interest us (green, frugal, PF, sustainability – and BABIES!) :)
Becky says
I agree that the additional baby costs balance out a bit with the decrease in entertainment and vacation costs. I have to admit that I’m hoping to go on a vacation with just my husband and me once my 9-month-old is weaned (maybe in another 9 months???).
The nice thing about babies is that they grow out of clothes and toys way before they wear them out. There is really NO need to buy those items new. The only new toys my son has were given to him as gifts. Same for clothes, with the exception of footie jammies in 12 month and 18 month sizes. My son grew faster than I thought he would and needed those sizes before summer hit for garage sales (couldn’t find any at thrift stores).
Frugally Savvy says
I don’t think that it does because children don’t know how to spend their money correctly
bogart says
I’d say our results are mixed. A big expense for us was updating wills, which we put some effort into. In retrospect we probably should have done this prenatally when we were less groggy (and more capable of thinking quickly, rather than dazedly, about how we wanted to set things up while sitting in a lawyer’s office at $250 an hour).
We bought a new (to us) car, a cheap one, because I didn’t want DS in my ancient, not-very-suitable-for-carseats, pickup. And we’ve spent what seems a small fortune on carseats (1 infant seat + 3 bases was probably just $200 total, but the next seat has run us ~$120/seat for 3 seats, and we’re on the verge of being out of that one. I’m a tad obsessive about this, and want to keep DS in a 5-point harness, so the next ones we’ll need — he’s almost too tall for his current ones — will run about the same. I also recently bought a Ride Safer Travel Vest, very happy to have that on trip mentioned below, but that was another ~$100). We’re blessed with a local grandma who provides a lot of care, but that means we need a carseat for her car too (sure, we could move them around, but 2/3 of the cars in question are too old to have latch, getting the seats in right is difficult, and having them securely installed is an important safety issue). I know you are low- or no-car, but doing that would be darned difficult for us given other choices we’ve made.
Cutting my work hours back cost me ~$20K year 1 though I was fortunate enough still to collect benefits. Year 2 that ran $10K and now I’m back to working full time.
I’d love another kid, but have worked out and come to peace with the reality that we’re not going to have one. That of course means no economy of scale with items shared across kids.
My family’s scattered around the globe, and if my son’s going to be an only, we’re darned well going to visit them. I’m just back from a trip for which just airline tickets for me & DS — DH stayed home and held down the fort — ran $2500. I might well be travelling as much or more, DS-less, but he’s certainly not saving me money in that department.
Cathy says
Great post!!
Enjoy this time now as you will be shocked at how much it will cost once they get to be older, especially around the teen years. It starts with braces, cars, car insurance, college and goes crazy from there.
I love reading how you are not spending on things not really needed for a baby and young children.
Good going!!
RadiomomRhetoric says
Chiming in with 4 kiddos here! 9, 7, 6 and 18 months. I have seen people with less kids spend way more than we do. I know people with more kids than us that live more frugally than we do. I agree with the above poster who mentioned that it gets more spendy as they get older-as we are just encountering that. sports fees go up as they age…we make sure these are sports the kids WANT to play, not just ones we put them into to keep them busy.
I will shop thrift stores when I find a good deal-but also believe in some cases quality wins-as things are passed from child to child. Often we will buy new and quality with the knowledge that it will be passed on. One of the biggest expenses I see is preventable. It is something I blame MYSELF for. Not being prepared. If we have a busy day and I am not prepared for it, we end up driving thru rather than eating at home. We end up stopping for drinks (water, soda) rather than bringing them from home.
One of my goals…to be more organized-and I think it helps me be more frugal!
Meg says
Great post, as always, FB.
Hubby and I do not have children to date, but are talking about starting a family within the next year. Like you, we agree that kids dont HAVE to be as expensive as everyone makes them out to be. I plan on cloth diapering (hubby doesnt know this yet), and we are talking about me working part time from home.
I have two nieces, and I am amazed at how much “stuff” they have and get consistently (yes, I bought into it in the beginning, but not anymore). Hubby and I agreed that we dont want that for our children. My mom will be the worst one to break the habbit, but we have to stay strong with what we believe.
Marnie - The UnBlogger says
We’re definitely spending more since having kids – I think that’s unavoidable. Like you said, with health and college savings costs, it can take a chuck out of our monthly pay! I agree though that kids don’t need all the consumer world has to offer and we try to make a point of not bringing more “junk” into our house.
Ann says
Sounds like you have it all figured out! Ha Ha! Wait until your kids are older. We opted out of 3 year preschool, but decided to send our 3 kids to 4 yr preschool to prepare them for kindergarten. $150 a month. What about park district swim lessons? $120 a kid. Unless you have access to a pool they have to learn to swim somewhere. We let them do one activity. t-ball, $100. Every week at school it’s a few dollars here or there for a field trip or a craft. I can’t even image how much harder it is going to get in 3 years for my 3, 5, & 7 yr old. Be careful on congratulating yourself on how frugal you are. This is the easiest time to be frugal, things are going to get a lot more expensive way sooner than “young adulthood.”
FrugalBabe says
Ann, you sound a bit negative – not sure why. We’ve made very different decisions than a lot of parents make during the first three years. What’s to make you think that we won’t continue to do things differently than “normal” as our boys get older? We’re opting out of preschool all together (I wrote more about that in my last post). We don’t do anything just because it’s what most people do. We understand that our expenses will increase with our two boys as they get older, but I can pretty much guarantee that we’ll still do things more frugally than average.
Ann says
You are right. sorry that was a bit negative. lately your tone is coming across as self-congratulatory to me. i’m not learning anything new. rather than just let it irk me, i’ll just unsubscribe.
Anastasia says
Dear F.B. – Bravo! I agree with you. My kids are aged 10 and 6, and to tell you the truth, we seem to attract money with them. For one thing, I get and give hand-me-downs, so I rarely buy new clothes, except shoes, underwear, socks… Ever since I can remember I’ve heard nay-sayers warn me of terrible things – “just wait til…” and fill in the blank. “til your son starts walking” “til puberty strikes” “til.. who knows what”. So far, it’s been just fine. They eat what we eat – we made that clear from the get-go. I give them special treats but this is not a catering service. They have some spending money for jobs and they have their regular jobs which they get nothing for, it’s part of their family responsibilities. Both are fairly good kids! One in soccer, another in dance, do their homework, have friends – keep their rooms neat – eat everything. My son wanted more money so I told him to start recycling. That’s how he paid for the majority of his CDs for his Playstation. Maybe they will get more expensive later – but they will have to learn how to control their wants with their income, like we all have to. I just hope I can be a good role model for them.
cloth diapers says
I like to ponder with this issue by thinking that raising our children does entails creativity and responsibility just for love. Maybe, money is just a tool for their progress.
Jaime says
I grew up with a single mom, my mom was a college professor who later became a small business owner. She did a good job raising me with what money she had coming into her small business. My mom made enough for us to be considered middle class, so anyway she did her best and you don’t need tons of money to actually have happy kids.
It really depends where you live. If you live in NYC it’s going to be a different story than if you live in the mid-west or the southwest or the pacific northwest. Even if you live in a more expensive area you can choose to make different choices. You can always move away to somewhere affordable. I believe that people have choices.
Everyone always has some cautionary tale. Don’t let that stop you from doing what you can. Ann, please read the tightwad gazette by amy dacyczyn. This woman raised like 4 kids maybe more, I’m not sure how many kids she had, anyway she decided to stay at home and they made it with her husband’s 30-35k graphic design income. I’m not sure the exact number, but I believe it was in the 30ks.
As for self-congratulatory well there is nothing wrong with blogging on your blog about how you did well at something. What’s wrong with that? If you figured out a way to do something, why not share that on your blog? When people write about some frugal way they did something, I like that, they somehow managed to beat the system and good for them.
What I hate the most is fake modesty. Come on, everyone wants their accomplishments and every day victories to be acknowledged and I see nothing wrong with that. That’s what blogs are for. People want to talk about their lives and I see nothing wrong with that.
I think there’s a vast difference between that and complete narcissism.
Frugal Babe says
Thanks for your comment Jaime. A blog is definitely a different forum than say, hanging out with a bunch of other moms at the park. Blogs would be pretty boring if bloggers didn’t go into details about what works (and what doesn’t) for them, and what they’ve accomplished. I love hearing from readers who say that a post I wrote has inspired them to start saving an emergency fund, pay off debt, pay extra on their mortgage, etc. When I think of the blogs I enjoy reading, they’re all sites that inspire me and motivate me… usually because the authors have been so successful at whatever it is they do. If they didn’t write about that success, I would have no reason to keep reading.
I agree that the Tightwad Gazette is fantastic.