We’ve already opened all of our Christmas presents. Yep, we march to our own drum around here. We have gradually simplified Christmas over the years, and eliminated nearly all of the gift exchanging we used to do. My husband and I long ago stopped giving each other material gifts (for any event, including birthdays and our anniversary – we do things for each other instead), and although this is our third Christmas with our son, we have never bought him any Christmas gifts. We’ve also stopped exchanging gifts with friends – none of our friends need anything, and neither do we, so it works out well. My mother in law loves to give gifts though, and she continues to send a box of presents each year for Christmas. She usually sends three or four small gifts for each of us, along with some clothing for our son. I make her a scrapbook of her kids and grandkids each year, and from what we’ve heard, usually about half of their retirement community ends up seeing the scrapbooks. This year, I made her a purse-sized one (using a 40 page, 4×6 album) so that she can carry it around easily. It was the only Christmas gift I made this year (other than food I’m making for some friends and neighbors), and I had a blast making it.
Anyway, we got her Christmas box last week, and decided that it made more sense to space out the gift-opening rather than cram it all into one day. We knew we weren’t going to open presents on Saturday, since we’re going to have all of my family here, and none of us exchange gifts. We thought about doing it on Friday, but then we figured our son would have more fun with each gift if he opened them individually.
In addition to a couple of shirts and some pajamas, our son got a little dump truck, a small wooden train set, a couple of books, and a Mr. Potato Head. He opened one each day, and got to thoroughly focus on each gift, one at a time. Personally, I liked that a lot better than a big gift bonanza on Christmas morning. Like I said, we follow our own drum beat…
This past weekend, our town held a food drive to benefit local families. We talked to our son about it, and explained that there are people right here in our town who don’t have enough food to eat. We took him with us to the local grocery store and loaded up a cart full of non-perishable food. I didn’t have coupons (yet), but I paid close attention to sales, and we were able to fill the trunk of our car with food. We took it over to the food drive headquarters, where some very enthusiastic volunteers were standing out in the cold to greet us.
We could have gone to Toys R Us and spent that money on a toy for our son. But he’s already happy pretty much 100% of the time, and there isn’t anything he needs. Donating food felt so much better, and our son spent the rest of the day asking questions about “kids who don’t have food” and talking about how we got them some food. I know he’s only two, but I feel like we’ve started laying a good foundation for him to grow up with a sense of compassion and generosity. And that’s more important than any toy could ever be.
Last week, I wrote about the book How To Shop For Free, and I’m excited to start using a lot of those techniques to buy food for the local food bank. For my own family, it’s true that there aren’t really that many coupons or stellar deals on the sort of food we eat. But the food bank needs non-perishables (as opposed to the fresh and frozen produce that I tend to buy for us), and it’s possible to strike a happy medium between my own grocery habits and buying a bunch of junk. When we shopped for the food bank on Saturday, I was careful to avoid junk food, but nearly everything I bought was on sale. I bought mostly whole grains (oats, whole grain pasta, etc.), canned veggies and beans, natural peanut butter (with nothing added), etc. I know that there are lots of coupons available for food that is relatively nutritious and fits the guidelines of what the food banks are looking for. I’m planning to make this a monthly adventure with our son, and hopefully by combining coupons and sales I’ll be able to stretch our donation budget even further.
Dani says
That’s a great idea. Food banks are always in dire need of donations.
I’m not sure how your food bank functions, but I’m on a board of my local food bank, and I know they love to get any and all donations…but…
Monetary donations are almost always “better” than actual food contributions, because they can buy something like 10 lbs of food for $1 due to government subsidies. They can stretch a food dollar better than any couponing can do. This is not meant in any way to say your contribution wasn’t amazing — just thought you might not know!
I myself prefer to give monetary donations to the food bank, but I do the CVS/Rite Aid programs so that I can donate free or nearly-free toiletries.
FrugalBabe says
Dani – great point, and it’s something I’ve thought about too. We give monetary donations to various organizations, mostly through online donation programs. The food drive here in our little town last weekend was specifically looking for food, although the county food bank takes both monetary donations and food. The reason I’m going with food (for now) is that I think it’s much more tangible for our son. I really want to involve him in the process, and have him help us pick out the food and deliver it. I know that we could talk to him about donating money online to the food bank (and that would be a lot easier and faster too!), but I feel like this will be more meaningful to him for now, as he’s too little to really understand the concept of money at this point. Once he gets older, we’ll probably mix it up a bit more.
Kristin says
Dani, what a great thing to learn! I will certainly keep that in mind the next time I make a donation.
And Frugalbabe, this is my first comment on your blog… but I greatly appreciate reading. Thank-you! Though I do not yet have any children of my own, I would love to adapt some of your ideas when the time comes. The values that you are instilling in your son will be with him for the rest of his life. What a wonderful way to celebrate the holidays with your family!
Kristin says
Sorry, I meant to type adopt rather than adapt :)
Rita says
I like the idea of including your son in the food drive. When my niece was small, I would take her to the store so she could pick out toys for toy drives and it was a real eye opener to me about just what kids understand. My husband and I have our first baby and have been talking about doing both a toy and food drive with her as well. I also love the idea of opening the presents over time instead of all at once, I am not brave enough to suggest that to my family, but have thought that when they are small they seem to be over whelmed easily enough as it is with out adding a mountain of toys to the mix.
On an unrelated note, I disagree with you politically, but you are still a major inspiration and encouragement for many of the lifestyle choices I am making. Maybe because we march to our own beat, even when the drummer has no idea what the beat is? :)
Laura M. says
I’m so glad to hear your son’s toys are simple but fun objects – rather than a million plastic toys from China that kids tend to lose interest in within a day. My nephew (on my fiance’s side) gets every toy he wants and watches television all day… he’s very spoiled (has every character from Toy Story, tons of cars, tons of movies, tons of…. stuff) and it makes me sad. I vowed not to buy gifts for anyone this year, but I’m a little tempted to buy him a simple wooden toy train. He may not be interested in it, though. If I ever have kids, I aim to not buy my child(ren) many toys at all and instead, engage them in things that foster their creativity and exploration!
Frugal Vegan Mom says
Your way of going about x-mas sounds just like what I would want to do. I haven’t given it much thought, since the baby isn’t even here yet, but when I read your description it really hits home. I hope I can pull it off as well as you =).
bogart says
Sounds great. We’re more much “conventional” though we, too, space out the gift-giving / opening somewhat. So far my preschooler is perhaps most interested in playing a non-gift, our newly acquired nylon “dog crate” (think giant laundry bag — the popout/stand-up type — with a door). Though it’s a tough call, he does also quite like the Lincoln logs his grandma gave him.
Sense says
That’s an awesome idea, spreading out the gifts like that! I love your giving instead of getting approach to Christmas, too!
Are you guys doing the Santa thing with the little one when he gets older? If not, how would you handle it when other kids are in the mix and talking about Santa? I kind of wished my parents hadn’t done Santa, but we got together with family every single Christmas, so it would have been difficult to explain why Santa gave some cousins gifts and not others…interesting dilemma!
FrugalBabe says
Sense,
We have no plans to do the Santa thing. My parents always told us that there was no such thing as Santa, but once we were in school, they did start giving us a few presents at Christmas time, so that we wouldn’t be the only kids going back to school after Christmas with no new toys. They just told us that we shouldn’t tell other kids that we knew there was no Santa, and it was never a big deal.
Once our son is in school, we’ll probably do the same thing. We might start to give him one or two gifts from us at that point, but I can’t imagine us telling him that Santa brought them.
Thriftysassymama says
Babe,
I think you are doing an amazing thing. I think it is great to space the gifts all out. I never have put much thought into it. I have two young children. We hurry through gift opening so we can go to breakfast with the family and then onto the next thing for our day. We typically have VERY busy holidays with my side of the family, as well as my ex’s side of the family. I think it definitely hits home to your son seeing the food donated instead of just money. Yes, money would be much easier and faster, but the value you are instiling in your son is woth MUCH more. Times are really tight for us this year, but I hope to donate food when we are in the position to do so, so my kids can see it and understand.
I just want you to know, I LOVE your blog. Thank you.
christina says
Stumbled onto your blog last month and am enjoying it.
Both my my family and my husband’s are HUGE gift givers. We’ve tried talking to them about quality over quantity since there are so many grandparents (7 at last count) and our 2.5 year old and 4 month old are the only grandchildren. The amount of gifts for our son’s first Christmas was obscene. Last year we decided to lead by example, giving each grandparent the gift of volunteer hours to a cause or organization that they would appreciate. 8 hours of trail maintenance for our the outdoorsy grandma, 8 hours at the food bank, etc. We’re trying to make Christmas more about giving than receiving, so we spent many hours this month cleaning out toys, clothes and stuff to donate. He picked several toys out of our gift stash to take to Toys for Tots, and we gave coats at a Coats for Kids drive.
With our son we have used coupons since he was born to buy food for the food pantry, and we discuss it while we are shopping. This year we made 14 trips to the food pantry! We also make at least one trip to Goodwill each month to donate, and we talk about those donations.
As my aunt always says, they’re little, not stupid. They pick up on so much, so why not give them some really good things to pick up?
Jaime says
“They pick up on so much, so why not give them some really good things to pick up?”
Perfect sentiment Christina! :)
FB, I like the way you guys have spread out the presents. When I was a kid, we always opened presents on Christmas morning and I don’t feel that we were overwhelmed but we didn’t receive nearly as many gifts as my nieces and nephews do. Also, I wish we saw more gifts for “just because” throughout the year rather than the mother lode at Christmas. It’s fun, but few children need more than a few gifts at any one time.
R Novitsky says
Thank you, great blog.
I believe in the magic of Santa and giving, and I also believe that does not translate to consumerism unless that is what the adults decide to focus on. As we agree, Christmas is not the gifts – it is so much more!
I would be upset if another child or adult ruined the concept of the magic of Christmas for our household. I have experience with families do not believe in Santa, feeling the need to pass that belief on to other children. As an adult who loves giving, Santa, Christmas and volunteering it saddens me to hear of those who will crush that belief for others. I believe in the magic of Christmas!
Sheri says
Let me first say that I love the way you’re celebrating your Christmas season. It’s also wonderful the way you include your young son. However, it worries me a little that because he is so young he might get it into his little head that HE might not always have enough to eat, since it can and does happen to other children. I’m not criticizing you at all, so please accept this comment in the spirit in which it is delivered. Very young children don’t see the world the way older kids and adults see it. I respectfully submit that if I were you I would make it absolutely clear to your son that he will always have enough to eat.
Mis-sold says
You are very much right about mentioning that sometimes when you are looking for some specific food products, you don’t get the coupons easily.
Interesting Post.