I’ve been blogging here for almost four years now – time flies! – and sometimes it’s fun to look back at posts I wrote back in the day. It makes our debt-free (except the mortgage) life feel even better when I remember the days when I was keeping track of all of our debts on a yellow legal pad. But I notice when I read some of my early posts that I was a bit of a self-righteous frugalista. And I see that as a pretty common theme in the frugal blogosphere – it’s easy to start to feel superior and smarter when you’re focusing on debt reduction, saving money, living frugally, etc. It’s easy to start thinking that you’ve got everything figured out so much better than all the people who aren’t doing whatever it is that you’re doing. I know I was guilty of this, and I know I’m not the only one.
I mentioned recently that I’ve been making lots of small changes in my life, and one of them has been to be less judgmental in general. I’m also feeling very grateful for all the good luck that has brought me to where I am today. Just a few years ago I’d have scoffed at the idea of luck being a factor. I hated the idea that I had ever been lucky – I preferred to think that it was all a result of hard work and dedication. But that’s just not true. Fact is, I was born to two well educated parents who wanted me and loved me from the very beginning. That alone is a pretty lucky start. And then I was encouraged to get a good education of my own, to eat well, to exercise, to value nature, to live without debt… and the list goes on. Yes, I believe my husband and I have worked very hard to get where we are today, but I’d be a fool if I said that luck wasn’t involved. I really like this quote from Barry Switzer:
“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”
I was definitely born on third base, but I don’t want to go through life thinking I hit a triple. I want to be grateful for what I have, and to not judge other people who see things in a different way than I do. I truly believe that living within one’s means is a pretty important aspect of happiness, but it’s up to each of us to decide how to do that. For my own family, saving a good chunk of our income is very important. But that isn’t better or worse than another family who spends a bigger chunk of their income – as long as they are happy and content with their life, and living within their means (and hopefully doing the best they can to take good care of this little planet that we all share).
Personal finance is just that – personal. Don’t let things you read on blogs make you feel guilty about the way you spend your money – it’s your own money after all. If something about your life – financial or otherwise – is making you feel bad, then change it. But don’t change it just because it’s what someone else is doing. We’re all different, and we all want different things. Just keep your focus on what you want most, and you’ll be fine. There will always be people who are smarter, richer, happier, more frugal, etc. Be inspired, but don’t feel guilty. I’ve found that the less I judge others, the happier I am. Hopefully it works for you too.
David @The Frugality Game says
I’ve found that the problem with comparing ourselves to others is that you’re usually comparing your strength to their weakness or vice versa. Either way, it’s not fair.
“The less I judge others, the happier I am.” – Good conclusion!
Mrs. Money says
I agree- I think it’s good to realize where you’ve come from and be thankful that you’re in a good place. It makes things so much better!
LindyMint says
I must say, this is very well said. I struggle with frugality, and it makes it harder when there is the whole guilt factor going on too. I think we all could stand to judge less, and (at the risk of sounding cheeesy) love more. Thanks for your insights.
nyxmoxie says
I really liked this post, I think its nice of you to admit that. I don’t really like frugal blogs, in fact were it not for get rich slowly covering you I, normally do not read “frugal, cheap, thrifty” blogs.
Not because I’m in debt. I got out of debt a long time ago but because they seem to be the opposite of a spendthrift. I’m not going to be one of those people who denies themselves in life just to end up a millionaire, but I refuse to go to the other end and be a spendthrift.
IMO its possible to live nicely, without going to extremes. So yea I think its great that you try to be less judgmental and try not to judge too much.
MP says
What a nice sentiment. I too have issues with some of the frugal blogs and if they get too preachy I simply stop following them. But for the most part, I find them quite helpful with some of the tips – especially the reduce, reuse, and recycle tips. Good for the environment (although some of them go a little too far down the “are you kidding me” factor). It really didn’t hit me how judgmental some of the bloggers could be until I read from one blogger how she had received a gift certificate to a very nice, highend restaurant and spent the entire evening with her husband wondering who in the restaurant couldn’t afford to be there and was living beyond their means and was putting the meal on a credit card etc etc etc. I thought my goodness, she ruined what was a beautiful, free opportunity to enjoy a nice romantic dinner with her husband – instead she spent the evening gossiping and judging everyone else in the restaurant. How sad was that…
I too got out of debt and turned my financial situation around with a good hefty dose of luck (an unexpected inheritance that I wisely put towards paying down consumer debt), and taking advantage of the downturn in interest rates about 12 years ago. When interest rates really started getting low I kept my mortgage payment at the previously higher rate level and reamortize to knock six years off the amortization instead of going for the lower mortgage payment. It allowed me to be mortgage free in fourteen years and then really kick into high gear for debt repayment. But without that swing in interest rates then, I would still be paying down a mortgage so I consider that to be luck – in the right place at the right time (and making one of my few smart financial decisions at the time!)
I’ve also had the good fortune of never being out of work, never having a serious illness, never having an accident that left me unable to work. So many are worse off than me, and struggle daily so I consider myself very lucky because so much could have happened to make it difficult for me to be where I am today.
Everyday Tips says
Just wanted to say I really enjoyed this post. It is nice to read about someone being reflective and also acknowledging how good they have had it in life. So many people spend so much time making excuses for where they are instead of realizing they were fortunate to even be born in this country.
Glad I came across this blog from Get Rich Slowly.
Liz says
I am glad you mentioned this. I don’t read too many personal finance blogs paritally for this very reason.
Kaytee says
While it may sound preachy to you, I took it as more along the lines of you being very gungho and excited about the frugal lifestyle. People, for the most part, can get very singleminded now and then. Not long after I finished grad school and was able to think about things beyond school, one of the first things I noticed is that people don’t usually mean what they say. At this point in my life, I rarely focus on what people are saying, but instead try to figure out what they mean. I’ve found that this helps me to get the message without ruffling my feathers if they happen to be in a bad mood when speaking with me and I just happen to be a handy target. I’ve saved myself a lot of stress and heartache that way.
I do think there is some degree of truth about your insights concerning luck. You are lucky that you have a partner who has a similar mindset to you with regards to financial matters. It is much harder to get out of debt and save when you are fighting against your spouse as well as trying to stay motivated. My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on financial matters, and it can be a real strain sometimes. Emergency fund, retirement savings, needs vs wants, etc, are all differences of opinions.
My parents tried to teach me about money, I also witnessed them making poor financial choices, so I didn’t learn much until I had graduated and was facing enormous student loan and car payments while trying to make ends meet. Necessity is a great teacher!
Kay says
Beautiful post, FB!
I started eating organic and natural foods about 10 yrs ago. And people raised eyebrows and criticized me at the time. I quickly got into a defensive mode justifying my habits at the same time, I probably got judgemental of the dietary habits of others. These days, I’ve thawed pretty much and I am very accepting of the dietary preferences of others. Same with the frugality as well.
There’s a saying in Tamil. ‘Siruga katti Peruga Vaazh’. It literally translates to ‘Build a small house and live a big life!’ I aspire for this.
ami says
Thank-you for this post, I love the Barry Switzer quote.
It’s strange what a wide variety of values and opinions we have about money – and what a wide range of satisfaction people feel about their own handling of money, regardless of their income or debt level.
Money is a tool, not an end. If the way you manage your money is making you truly happy (or at least not interfering with your happiness), then I think you’re managing money well. If the way you’re managing your money is not making you happy, then it’s time to re-think your approach. Bottom line: everyone has to work it out for him/herself, and their solution may differ from everyone else’s.
abby says
I’m a new reader, I headed over from a link at Get Rich Slowly. I’ve enjoyed reading some of your back entries, and I love some of your ideas on how to use and spend less. Just wanted to say I also really enjoy this post! What a great philosophy :)
Molly On Money says
Great post- I’m glad you got into some depth with this post.
I’m at the front end of getting out of debt and I find myself feeling similar to someone who just lost a bunch of weight and now wants everyone to loose a bunch of weight.
It’s a very ‘judgy’ place to be- thanks for the reminder.
MoneyGirlDC says
I was born on third base (or maybe even at home plate!) and I know that so much of my ability to live semi-frugally has been doable for that reason.
The word semi-frugally is also really key to my journey. I admire those folks out there in the blogosphere that really do frugal to the max. But, it just isn’t me. I like some of the luxuries in my life, and I budget for them. Are there some things, like groceries, that I’d like to cut back on, but I can’t ever see myself shopping at 3 different grocery stores to get the best deal. I really like the one that is a 1/2 a block from my condo, and I am sticking to it. :) Hopefully that doesn’t make me any less of a person in anyone’s eyes!
Cortney says
I really enjoyed this post. One can admit the advantages they have had in life without negating their hard work and determination! I think we get too focused on the fairy tale “did it with NO help/bootstraps/island human” stories that get passed around so much in our culture.
It was for this precise reason that I so enjoyed Gladwell’s “Outliers”. Basically, it was story after story of where hard work, determination, and intelligence intersected with a nice dose of good old fashioned luck, or being in the right place at the right time, etc. :)
Many people don’t realize their privilege, because when we hear that word we think of rich people, silver spoon kids, etc. As you said, just being born to two educated parents who loved and wanted you is, sadly, way ahead of a lot of people. I found your blog through Get Rich Slowly, and I love it! From another frugal vegan chick who aspires to live out in the country as self sustainable as possible, I can’t wait to read more.
me in millions says
Great reminder. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others when we should be comparing ourself to ourself. You can only do the best you can do!
Shara says
I totally agree with what you’re saying, but at the same time I get frustrated with people who take it from an extreme of judging to an extreme of excuse making. We all have excuses, some of us just need them more than others because we don’t manage to overcome our obstacles. I try to ascribe to “Love the sinner, hate the sin”. Some choices are just plain bad.
Often love means tough love. And tough love often means refusing to accept excuses. This is a totally different situation from the blogger guessing about fellow diners. But it dovetails with the fact that there are some standards you should have that you think are universal for everyone.
Sandra says
Good point! :-) I don’t do a blog .. but I love to read them. Sometimes I get SO discouraged, b/c I just can NOT feed my family of 5 on $300 a month. I try and try but we love fresh foods, organic milk and are big meat eaters .. so I’ve come to be okay with the fact my grocery bill is simply higher than others. There will always be people who are way more frugal that I’ll ever be .. but that’s okay and I still like to learn from them! :-)
Jaime B says
I love this post. Anytime people start blogging, or just talking, about a particular way of life they seem to hit a very self-righteous period. It makes it difficult to read when someone will not admit that other ways to live have merit as well. I’ve just recently started reading your blog and haven’t found anything judgmental yet, it has been fun to read so far. :)
Thanks!
GC says
well said. I will remember that quote also.
Judy says
Your best post ever
Stephanie says
I think you would really really enjoy reading the book Outliers that talks about this very topic. It’s a fascinating book. Check it out!
FrugalBabe says
Thanks Stephanie, I’ll add it to my library list.
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