Happy Thursday! I feel like sharing some great links with you all today. First of all, my current favorite workout site. I love the fact that everything on Bodyrock TV can be done at home with very little equipment, and pretty much all of the workouts are 30 minutes or less. But they’re intense, and they’re kicking my post-partum butt back into shape. I don’t have a sandbag, which she uses a lot, but I’ve found that a 25 pound dumbbell works just fine. If you’re looking to shake up your workout routine, this site might be just what you need.
On a totally different topic, one of my Facebook friends shared a link to an article that perfectly sums up my views on parenting and what we want for our children. I do not care whether my boys are at the top of their class someday. I do not care whether they are stand-out athletes. It does not matter to me that they be the best at everything they do. I want them to be happy. I want them to be compassionate. I want them to be honest. I want them to feel fulfilled – but not stressed. I want them to succeed at whatever it is they set their hearts on, but I don’t want them to be overwhelmed with a drive for success that overshadows everything else.
My husband and I have not enrolled our three year old in any activities at all yet. This is his time to play, explore, and have fun, without structure. As our boys get older, we’ll let them decide what activities they want to participate in, but there will always be a limit of one at a time. I will be fiercely protective of their free time, because I feel like the fast-paced, goal-oriented world we live in will suck us into a whirlwind unless we actively prevent it. I feel strongly that life is not supposed to be one constant competition to see who is smartest, strongest, fastest, etc. I want my boys to stop and smell the flowers, so we will not be shuttling from one activity to the other for the next 18 years.
The article I wrote earlier in the week about children and money got several comments from readers who mentioned that activities significantly drive up the cost associated with kids. Just to clarify, the reason we have avoided activities so far – and the reasons we will limit them in the future – has nothing to do with money. We believe that life is better when it’s not so crazy busy, and that’s the life we’re creating for our boys. On a side note, we have no plans to send our sons to preschool either. This is also not financially-related, although I suppose it will save us some money. I guess you could say that we’re planning to homeschool for the preschool years. I realize that most kids go to preschool these days, but I rarely do anything just because most people do it. It seems like preschool has morphed over the years from being mostly play-oriented (sort of like daycare) to being much more academically-oriented, with parents feeling pressure to make sure their children are advancing academically as early as three years old. I firmly reject this ideology, and feel strongly that unstructured, creative play is the best way for the under-five crowd to learn and develop the skills they will need later on in life. There will be lots and lots of years of structured school and work for our boys. I want to protect their freedom to just play and be kids for as long as I can. I realize that other parents will make different decisions, and this is not a criticism of those choices. Rather, it’s an explanation of the choices we’re making for our own children, and nothing more.
Moving on… Another great link: A guest post today on Minimalist Mom, about the difficulties of simplifying and de-cluttering when you have small children. I can totally relate to this one. Right now, our dining room table is covered with paper, ink, crayons, and rubber stamps (our son has been making thank-you cards for people who gave him birthday gifts). We have a huge bag of crayons that never seem to find their way back into their bag at the end of the day, and various blocks, wooden trains, and Legos all over the floor, no matter how often we pick them up. The guest post was written by a blogger named Amber, and I clicked through to her site to find another great article. This one sums up exactly how my relationship with cleaning (and cooking) has changed over the years. I used to describe myself as someone who hated to cook, and hated to clean (or do pretty much anything domestic). These days, I love to cook, and I actually enjoy cleaning too. Somewhere along the way I told myself that I enjoy cleaning – or at least that I really enjoy having a clean house – and where the spirit leads, the body will follow. Amber mentioned that today is her 10th wedding anniversary, and today also happens to be my 8th wedding anniversary. So happy anniversary to both of us!
sarah says
I love the bodyrock workouts too! They really have are the perfect workout for people who want something cheap, that you can do at home, with little equipment. There was a 6-minute workout last week that I thought would be the end of me.
As far as preschool, you’re right, it’s not at all necessary and being at home with lots of support and love is really all a kid needs. We’re sending our oldest in fall, just before he turns four, because he’s expressed an interest and is a very social kid who will enjoy the environment. I don’t expect him to learn anything special and don’t view it as a necessary step to start school. It’s purely for fun!
Becky says
I completely agree with children needing unstructured time. :)
mommymommymommy says
I am a mom of three, a 16 year old (tomorrow) and 8.5 year old twins. I have ALWAYS hated activities. Preschool is fine, it was nice to go grocery shopping alone, but we love to hang out at home. We still do. My teenager found her “thing” in middle school and now I have to schlep her places at night. My twins are not into sports-YEAH! We tried it, but we like ot play with each other after school. It is hard for them to find play dates…their peers are crazy busy, or else they are being dragged to a sibing’s activity!
Today we are baking a cake after school for big sister’s birthday. Nice!
Nicole says
interesting article on raising happy children. I grew up feeling the need to be #1 in academics and a failure if i was 2nd or 3rd. I had very few interests outside of school and did not have great social skills. It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I realized one night out for a walk that “hey i am more than a student/professional. if i didn;t have my job i would still be me”. a crazy thought but “an awakening” that I was more than a role i had been told was important. i am in my early 30s and am just starting to get in touch with who i am beyond what i studied in school. i want my children to feel free to explore the world, their interests, feel free to experiment without the fear of failure. thanks for the article.
Marnie - The Unblogger says
Happy anniversary! I totally agree with you about unstructured play. I think that’s important at every age. My daughters are 9 and 6 and I get really frustrated when homework takes away from their free time. As a high school teacher myself I aim to give kids as little homework as possible so they can “play” and have time with their families.
hmbalison says
I can really relate to your thoughts about raising children and not enrolling them into activities. My kids are 13 and 16 (almost 17) now. When they were little like your children are now, my husband and I kept things really simple.
Stick to your guns about activities. Looking back, it’s the one thing I would do differently. We never enrolled them in a ton of stuff at once, but we did have them try a LOT of things because we hoped they would find something they loved. And I have to say that almost nothing has ever stuck. The stuff that my kids enjoy doing today are thing they have discovered mostly on their own. My rule now that the kids are older is that if they want to do something, it is driven by them.
Good luck.
Brandy says
I have a cousin who is next to broke but has her kids in gymnastics. Theyre young (under 10) and she is so stressed out that she snaps at the kids because of the money and the amount of time gymnastics consumes. There are nights they dont get home til late. But shes keeping up with appearances.
Kids today are too overscheduled.
Nathalie says
Happy Anniversary :-)
Oh I love the Bodyrock workouts, well, love and hate them at the same time. I admire Suzanna’s discipline and she clearly is the best advertisement for her own site. They put so much effort into it.
Tanya says
Happy Anniversary!
Amy says
I couldn’t agree more. I have 2 boys. 3 and 4 years old. I love to let them play together and they are also not in any activities. I will protect their free time as well and Yes, 1 activity at a time only if they want to do it. Thanks!
Jim says
As parents we certainly have a tall task of raising our children to become great adult human beings in a world that is not really looking for them. I’m glad to come here and read about parents making a great push.
Susan says
I am reading a book I checked out from the library called Simplicity Parenting, and so far it advocates very similar ideas as those you you have written about lately on your blog about your simple/frugal parenting philosophy. If you can get a copy at your library, I think you would enjoy it a lot.