Both of my boys have birthdays soon. One in April (turning one) and the other in May (turning four!) As far as birthday plans go, my husband’s parents will be here visiting for the one-year-old’s birthday, but we have no plans to do anything out of the ordinary. He’s turning one – as long as he has his family around to snuggle him all day, plenty of nursing, a bit of food here and there, and a clean diaper, he’ll be as happy as can be.
For our older son, his previous birthdays have been very low-key. Just us and one other family with a trip to the park or just hanging out here at home. This year he has more friends and is much more aware of the concept of a birthday and the fact that it’s his special day. So we’re taking it up a notch. We’re inviting five of his friends and their families to join us at one of our favorite parks for some quality kid-time. The park has a great play structure (it’s gigantic – you can lose a kid in it if you don’t pay attention!) that our son loves, and lots of wide open space for kicking a soccer ball or playing with a hula hoop.
Our plan is to meet up with the other families at the park, let the kids play for as long as they want, and eat some snacks. I’ll make our son’s favorite muffins (far more nutritious than cake, and he adores them), and we’ll also take along cheese sticks and pears for everyone to munch on. Our little guy loves cheese sticks, but we only have them on very rare occasions. I asked him this morning if he’d like to take them to the park on his birthday, and his face lit up like a light bulb. He also loves pears, and they fit in nicely with my idea of simple food that is easy to prepare and take with us, and easy for kids to grab when they’re hungry.
That’s it. No decorations, no theme, no party favors, no stress at all. No cake to bake and frost and get just right. It’s about as simple as a birthday party can get, and yet our son is absolutely thrilled with the idea. He loves the park, he loves the snacks we’ve picked, and he loves the friends we’re inviting. He’s happy, we’re happy, and I’m sure the other kids will be happy with the day too. It will be fun for the parents too – who doesn’t love a day at the park?
Although I feel great about the simple birthday celebration we’re planning, I had a few seconds of doubt the other day when I saw a Pinterest board that a friend was creating with tons of ideas for her daughter’s fourth birthday party, which is coming up this spring as well. She’s planning a fancy themed party with a homemade cake and lots of decorations and all the trimmings. For a brief moment, I felt a tad bit guilty. I’ll be spending all of about and hour getting muffins made and snacks packed to take to the park for our son’s birthday. I’m not researching cake designs or looking for themed games to play. I’m not doing much of anything beyond the original idea to spend his birthday at the park.
Then I remembered talking with a couple of my friends (including the one with the Pinterest birthday party board) last year after their kids’ birthday parties. Both of them mentioned breaking down in tears the day before their child’s party because the cake wasn’t turning out right and the party planning was so stressful. They both had fantastic parties (and beautiful cakes!) but they came at a high price – lots of tears and stress the day before doesn’t sound like a good way to spend a day.
So I quickly shook off my feelings of doubt and reminded myself that there’s no rule that says kids have to have fancy birthday parties with themes and oh-my-goodness-that’s-amazing cakes. It does start to seem that way after a while, since pretty much every birthday party we’ve been to has looked like it involved a lot of work. But it doesn’t have to be that way unless you want it to. If you’re all about parties and decorations and you love baking beautiful cakes and the planning won’t reduce you to tears, go for it. But if you’re like me, and you’d rather keep things a bit more low-stress, I’ll be the other mom you know who doesn’t spend a whole bunch of time planning elaborate birthday parties. At least you’ll know you’re not alone!
This morning I took both of our boys on a spontaneous hike through an abandoned field near our house, looking for cool sticks and rocks. We spent about an hour and a half just playing in the dirt, climbing over rocks, and finding various "treasures" of unknown origin. As far as I’m concerned (and I think our son would agree), that was a better use of my time than planning an elaborate party.
If you love the birthday planning process, please don’t take this as a criticism! This post is for the parents who would prefer to buck the trend of fancy birthday parties but feel like they have to go along with the crowd and spend lots of time and/or money in order to give their kid just the right birthday celebration. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. And I know I’m not the only one who has noticed that there seems to be a bit of unspoken competition among parents when it comes to outdoing each other with their kids’ parties. Social media like Facebook – and especially Pinterest – seems to be feeding the trend of increasingly elaborate birthday parties for kids as young as one. For my own family, I want to make sure we never get on that train. That seems easier than trying to get off later on.
If you’re a fan of simple birthday celebrations that don’t reduce anyone to tears or require their own category in the budget, please share your ideas!
Frugal Vegan Mom says
I don’t have any tips considering Jane is only one (and all I did for her b-day is make a cake), but just wanted to say thank you for this post and many others, your blog is like my go-to manual for how I want to raise my family.
frugalbabe says
Thank you so much! I don’t think my ramblings deserve that kind of praise, but I’ll take it anyway :-)
Mrs. Money says
Wow!! How are your boys growing up so fast?? :(
frugalbabe says
I know! Four years have flown by!
Jacci says
I can see your point, but I also appreciate treats and special occasions. I usually only make cakes on bdays (mostly because I don’t like to bake), but my family can’t wait to see how I will decorate it. One year had a coconut rainbow during my daughters wizard of oz phase and a weight lifter for my husbands lifting phase. I think it is important to do things to ones own comfort level. I have friends who LoVE to have parties and entertain. In fact. I visited one today who served me mimosas! I’ve never had one, nor would I ever have the champagne on hand to make one, but it sure was nice. Andfun! And special! It’s not “important” but thise extraordinary treats do make for nice memories.
frugalbabe says
I definitely know what you’re talking about. I love to cook for people, and we have fun at parties that other people throw (and I always bring a dish to share, since I love to cook). But I think sometimes, especially when it comes to parties for kids, parents who don’t enjoy planning elaborate parties might feel like they have to anyway, in order to keep up with the other parents. This post was a reminder to myself – and any other parents like me – that there aren’t any rules for birthday parties. We can do whatever makes us and our kids happy, even if it’s very different from what other parents do.
And… mimosas are awesome :-)
Ms Life says
I used to look after two of my nieces. One of them just wanted was her birthday cake to be delivered to her class so that she could share with her friends. Needless to say, that was very easy and cheap to do and she was very happy with this ‘treat’!
frugalbabe says
Great idea!
Kate says
I LOVE this post. I love reading your perspective on things. I put a lot of pressure on myself to give my kids things that we can’t afford at their birthdays. This year I gave my kids a budget because it gets harder to say no as they older. My girls turned 7 and 6. the budget is for their present and any family or friend gathering. One daughter chose no physical gift but a special day in NYC. We invited the grandparents and cousins over for cupcakes afterward. My other daughter chose no physical present but a nail painting party at a salon for her girlfriends. It was wonderful to see them be so happy with their decisions. Their birthdays were exactly what they wanted them to be. They learned some math along the way as well.
frugalbabe says
I love the idea of involving the kids in the budgeting aspect and letting them decide what’s important to them, within the constraints of the budget. I also love that both of your kids selected activities rather than physical presents. As our boys get older, our plan is to have their birthday celebrations involve trips and adventures. My parents stopped buying us Christmas presents somewhere along the way and switched to taking a great family vacation at Christmas instead. I still have awesome memories of those trips. If I had received physical gifts instead, I doubt I’d still remember them.
Penelope says
What about the gift bags that all of the children who come to a birthday party seem to expect nowadays? They’re typically filled with junky plastic stuff from the Dollar Store (a.k.a. “landfill”) and are discarded around the house, never to be thought of again. I have an almost 8-year old and an almost 10-year old and I don’t know how to turn the boat around after so many years of complying with the norm. Maybe a “one free ice cream cone” gift certificates for the kids who come? Any ideas about how to shift gears when something has become a tradition?
frugalbabe says
I have never understood that one. It seems like getting to go to a party where you play with your friends, eat treats that you might not normally get, and generally have a good time should be plenty to make a kid’s day. My guess is that’s really all that the kids want. I imagine that the goody bags are usually the parents’ idea. Before our boys were born, I worked in a library. Most of the ladies I worked with had children already, and the subject of birthday parties often came up. I remember many of them lamenting the goody bags, and talking about how all the moms seemed to be trying to outdo each other with the creativity of the bags/boxes themselves, and the contents. Several of the women I knew said they hated the idea (especially since, as you mentioned, the contents are usually cheap plastic stuff that has been shipped here from China and will end up in a landfill within a few months), but weren’t sure how to buck the trend. In our family, we have never done goody bags – I decided that one long before our kids were born, and so far, so good.
I would say that it’s perfectly fine to just not do them at all. Even if you’ve done them in the past, are people really going to be upset if you don’t pass out goody bags? In the bottom of my heart, I feel like the kids probably won’t care, and any parents who do aren’t really worth having as friends. I know that might sound harsh, but so is the idea that parents are feeling pressured to go along with such a nutty trend in the first place. Honestly, you’ll probably get a sigh of relief from other parents who are thrilled that you started a new trend of birthday parties without goody bags.If you don’t feel comfortable with just ditching the goody bags all together, how about a packet of seeds for each kid? You could have a bowl with several kinds of veggie and flower seeds on the table, and each kid could pick one out. The only waste is the paper packet that can be composted or recycled, and the seeds can turn into something pretty or useful. That’s just an idea off the top of my head, but I’m probably not the best resource since I have no plans to ever hand out goody bags at my kids’ birthday parties. But I’m sure there are tons of ideas online for eco-friendly, simple, frugal goody bags. Good luck!
Penelope says
I love the idea of seed packets in a big bowl from which kids could choose. That’s a really nice idea. I am also contemplating sending out an email to all of the parents in my address book suggesting that we all get a lot saner and drop the goody bags at kids’ parties. I agree with you that coming to a birthday party and getting treats that you don’t normally get is enough of a goody.
Ali says
My mom used to do cookie gift bags – for the under-6s, she bake a batch of cookies, one of the party activities would be to paint/decorate the plain brown paper baggies, and kids then got to choose three or four cookies from a dish to take home. No Chinese garbage, all eminently edible, but still goodie-bags. For older kids, my mom would prep a batch of dough and the kids would decorate their cookies early in the party and my mom would then bake them all while we played. One memorable year, we made mini-sketchbooks in advance (cardboard and paper we had around the house already) and took our friends to the zoo for the day where we did an animal treasure hunt – the prize was to take home half the leftover cake!
frugalbabe says
Love this idea too! Thanks for sharing!
Annie says
I couldn’t agree more about the goody bags, but the kids
almost expect it. The last goody bags I made consisted of a juice box, granola
bar, dried fruit snack, small notepad, and a pencil, packaged in a brown lunch
sack and tied with raffia. I refuse to buy made in China plastic junk. One year
at my son’s birthday party, we made sock grass heads and the kids decorated
them and took them home as their goody. The kids really seemed to enjoy it.
Leah says
I used to work at a nature center teaching birthday parties. It was something like $85 to rent the room and get a 45 minute long program. The kids always seemed to love the program best. We went outside and did different things like looking for colors or shapes in nature, rolling logs, etc (I had a bunch of different party themes). It was a lot of fun. I know it did cost money, but it was also fairly simple for the parents. All they had to do was bring something for after the program. Some parents brought cake, but other parents brought assorted fruits and muffins or other snacks.
What I learned is that kids really just love to explore and have a good time. I did facilitate by giving goals or parameters for the activity, but then the kids just went wild.
Also, especially at young ages, I don’t think a birthday party is too much to go crazy with. The kids who loved the party thing best were 6-8 or so.
frugalbabe says
I like this idea. It’s an adventure rather than a focus on physical presents, and it does keep things simple for parents. The only problem is the cost – for some families organized events like this just aren’t in the budget. And my concern with birthday parties getting more and more complicated (and often involving renting a bouncy castle or a play area or something like that) is that parents who can’t afford such a party end up feeling pressured to do so anyway, because it’s become the norm. This is part of the reason we’re opting for something simple like going to an awesome (and free) park. It’s a park that we don’t go to very often, so it will be a special treat.
I agree that birthday parties are more important for elementary school age kids rather than preschoolers. That’s why it amazes me to see parents reducing themselves to tears over parties for kids who are only one or two years old!
Kay says
I like the idea of this birthday party.. we are a simple family so we eat home baked non decorated cake (with muffin batter!) She likes cakes and I like to make them. No decorating interest or decorating genes here though.
Julie @ Freedom 48 says
Simple can be so much better. Less stressful, more relaxing and more enjoyable!
While I do like to make birthday cakes… they’re always simple homemade ones, and they’re far from perfect. I couldn’t care less though!
Enjoy your day at the park! =)
Bogart says
I join those amazed at what kids’ birthday parties seem (sometimes) to have become. Thus far we’ve not contributed to the problem; DS recently turned 5 and we organized several smaller events (this was easier for us than trying to do one larger one bringing together different groups). We took him out to the restaurant of his choice (which was a modest one … a local Mexican place that is our go-to for a quick dinner out) on the day of his birthday; it being a workday, we didn’t otherwise celebrate on the day so this seemed like a nice thing to do. Then one grandma organized a small gathering of local family over dinner; that included a cake she made and one DH and I made (ours consisting of a mix + purchased icing … I just can’t worry about the health implications of a birthday cake; we don’t eat that many). And then (first time we have ever done a kids’ party) I gave DS several options of ways to get together with his friends (gathering at local public pool, ditto pizza restaurant after an extant group soccer game, or over to our house for a waffle breakfast). He chose the last option and it was quite nice, we made waffles (from Bisquik) and had oranges on hand for a hand-powered squeezer.
And we skipped the guest gifts and (except for the orange-juice squeezer and waffle toppings :) ) provided no entertainment, just let the kids play while the grownups talked.
frugalbabe says
Sounds like lots of great birthday fun with no stress or hassle – nicely done! I also like the idea of having a few smaller gatherings rather than trying to get everyone together for one big party. It makes more sense for us to have one gathering with family (which we usually do a few times a year to mark several birthdays that occur around the same time) and then a separate one with friends – easier than trying to introduce everyone!
Jane Little says
My mom had fun planning our birthday parties, but I know it was stressful at times too. I remember one year she made me a Miss Piggy cake and took four of my friends to go see the Muppet Movie. The cake looked awesome. It had licorice eye lashes and dyed marshmallow eyes. It looked just like Miss Piggy. It tasted terrible because the cherry frosting was too sweet. Also it was too big, so she put it in the oven to store over night. Then she forgot and preheated the oven melting the cake! (This happened after the party.) What a mess. I bet it was stressful, but I thought my mom was the greatest ever for making that cake and still remember the creativity behind it.
Now that I am a mom, I am making “pinboards” with party ideas I want to do for my daughter. Not sure how much we will actually do, but what I liked about your post is the idea that we have the freedom to do our own thing. We don’t need to do something big every year and we can go all out for three guests and not invite the whole class etc… My favorite line was the one about it being easier to stay off the train than to get off. Gotta keep that in mind.
Frugal Babe says
Your mom sounds awesome :-) Melting the cake sounds like something I would definitely do if I stored anything in the oven! My mom always made our birthday cakes too, and she let us pick whatever sort of cake we wanted. I remember one year she made me a cake shaped like a house, and another year that she baked a sheet cake and let my 4 year old brother and his friend frost it themselves (it looked like it had about 50 multi-colored worms on it). We always had simple birthday celebrations, but there was always a homemade cake and punch in a special punch bowl. The punch had Sprite in it, which was the only time we got soda, so it was extra special. Those sort of memories are what remind me that as long as we do something special, it definitely doesn’t have to be just like what everybody else does, or expensive, or stressful.
chase-a-dream.com says
You are right. Kids want to enjoy on there birthdays. that enjoyment is not linked to money :)
such an outing would also be a great fun for parents. This is a great way to spend a quality time with family.
Kirstyvi says
A beach trip would be my birthday celebration of choice for our soon to be 2 yr old. Sun water sand rock pools ..hours of free fun.