When my husband and I had been together about two years, we bought the house we live in now. the day we moved in, he proposed to me in front of our new fireplace. We were both floating on clouds that day. I was smiling so much I felt like my face would crack, and I couldn’t stop looking at my ring.
Over the next few months, we talked about what we wanted our wedding to be like. The more we thought about it, the more the whole idea stressed us out. Neither one of us really likes to be the center of attention. We’re about as casual as two people can get, and the idea of planning for months for a party that lasts one day was very foreign to both of us. We didn’t like the idea of having all of our friends and family feeling that they were obligated to get us a gift, just because we were getting married (let’s face it, when you get a wedding invitation in the mail, you know you’re getting the couple a gift, whether you can make it to the wedding or not). And the money! In our area, an average wedding costs $31,900. This does not include the engagement ring or the honeymoon. WTF?? If a 30-year old couple invests $30,000 in the stock market, and gets a conservative return of 8%, by the time they are 60, they will have $301,880 – without investing another penny over those 30 years.
The more we thought about it, the more we knew we didn’t want to have any part in the traditional wedding industry. We had been planning a roadtrip to Telluride, Colorado for my husband’s birthday that spring, and a couple weeks before the trip, he asked me if I wanted to get married while we were there. So we rolled into Telluride with our wedding rings, a marriage license, and our camping gear. We spent the first day there looking for someone who could marry us, and found a guy we felt really comfortable with. We hiked to Bridal Veil Falls, the spot we had chosen for the ceremony, to make sure it was as good as it looked from afar – it was even better close up.
The next day, we hiked up to the falls with the wedding officiant and a local guy we had befriended who had agreed to take pictures for us. His dog also came along for the trip. So it went that J and I got married in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in my life, wearing our hiking boots (only practical, since there was 6 inches of snow on the path we hiked) and jeans. We were both as happy as we have ever been, and there was no stress at all. We were free to completely luxuriate in the knowledge that we were officially committing ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. No worries about anything. Afterwards, we went to the local brewery and had lunch – our idea of a great reception. We called our families from the payphone near where we were camping, to share our happy news. His parents were a bit shocked, but quickly got used to the idea that we were married. Everyone was happy for us. And our marriage is just as real as if we had spent $31,900 on it. (we actually spent $200, to pay the officiant and the guy who took pictures – we insisted that he take the money). I made a scrapbook of the week we spent in Telluride, and we both love looking at it and remembering what a great time it was. Never once have either of us regretted not having a traditional wedding.
Obviously, eloping is not for everyone. If you truly want to plan and have a big wedding, more power to you. But if it’s a source of stress instead of a joyful time, perhaps it’s worth considering other options? The purpose of a wedding is for two people who love each other to vow their committment to each other. The rest is just details. But so often, it seems that we get hung up on the details, and forget the real meaning of the wedding. There’s definitly no need to be in tears over a mixed up flower arrangement, or in debt for five years to pay for a ‘dream wedding’ that’s over in a few hours. A wedding is a great opportunity to consider what’s really important in each of our lives, and make that a priority. The wedding industry would love to have us believe that a wedding is only perfect if we spend $31,000 on it. But J and I know otherwise, and I suspect that anyone else who has ever shunned tradition and gotten married their own way would agree with us.
wfbe says
You write beautifuly. What a lovely story. I immediately thought of this:
http://www.emilypost.com/surveys/current_survey.htm
Emily Post is collecting stories about untraditional but meaningful and inexpensive weddings. Your story fits the bill perfectly.
sonia says
This is great!You can also have a dessert or ordeuvres reception to share the love with others, but not give in to stupid expensive traditions that just leave you with a hole in the pocket. These are traditions, not rules!!
Livingalmostlarge says
Before I had my wedding day I would have agreed with you. But afterwards looking back I really treasure the memories of our day. There is no amount of money we spent and we didn’t spend a lot, that could have captured the memories. We spend $15k for everything including flying to and from hawaii (Where I’m from), our honeymoon not in hawaii, etc. So it wasn’t a bad deal considering our tickets to go home was $3k and our honeymoon for a week $3k.
We were together 5+ years before we got married, bought our first house already 3+ years and our dog. So it was just a piece of paper we needed to get. We would have gotten married earlier if not for the house.
Anyway since then my grandfather and two uncles have died. I only have those pictures, I saw my grandfather right before passed, but was unable to see my uncle. I treasure that day, because all of my family gathered and it was very special.
Sometimes it’s not about the money. And I didn’t go into debt for the wedding, it was cash. But it was a lot more than eloping that’s for sure. BUT what a day!
FrugalBabe says
I think that some people think of eloping as very un-romantic. Our day was absolutely perfect and we will always treasure the memories we have (and the photos – I made a great scrapbook of our wedding day and the trip we took). For us, getting married any other way would have been out of character and uncomfortable. We loved everything about our wedding – that’s what’s important. If having a traditional wedding makes you happy, and you can afford it, go for it. It just wasn’t for us. I’m sorry you lost your uncles and your grandfather LAL, and I’m glad you have such good memories of your wedding.
dimes says
We eloped! Well, actually we went to Vegas and I wore a white dress, but it was a low budget, short timeframe wedding, and I don’t regret it a bit. Only people involved were nuclear family. The whole thing was fun and I refused to let other people’s spazziness get to me.
Jennifer says
Reading your post hits close to home! My now-fiance and I were planning a week’s trip to Telluride at the end of August 2007. Last week we decided to get married while we’re there and the suggestion came up to do so at Bridal Veil falls. Who was your wedding officiate and do you still have a number for him/her? We are thinking boots & jeans as well. The officiate is really the only piece we are missing for what is going to turn out to be a fantastic vacation!
FrugalBabe says
Congratulations Jennifer! I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time in Telluride and a great wedding. Bridal Veil Falls is an amazing place to get married. The officiant at our wedding was Ashley Boling. Here’s a story about him in the Telluride Visitor’s Guide:
http://www.telluridevisitorguide.com/tellurider/profiles-Ashley.asp
This story highlights his happy-go-lucky side, which we loved. But he took the wedding very seriously. Once we had hiked to the wedding site, he took a few minutes to point out the amazing views from the site we had chosen, and to remind us of what a special day it was. He came up with beautiful wedding vows (all we told him was that we didn’t want any religious references in the ceremony, he did everything else himself). I hope that you can track him down and that he’s still available for a hike up to the falls. Best of luck to you, and have a wonderful wedding!
Jennifer says
Thank you for the quick response and link to Ashley. I’ve also been looking into finding a Native American tribe member officiate. Have you heard of any around there or have contacts? Thank you for your time!
FrugalBabe says
Jennifer, no I don’t really have contacts in Telluride at all, and I don’t know any Native American officiants, but one thing we noticed about Telluride is that most of the locals know each other – we got all our recommendations by word of mouth, and some people we met in the bar tracked down Ashley for us… it was all very informal and easy. You could check with the Telluride profiles feature that Ashley was in and see if their office knows of anyone who could help you. Or maybe call the chamber of commerce. Either way, I’m sure you’ll find someone wonderful!
Steph says
My name is Stephanie and I work for http://www.letselope.com. It is a new website all about, you guessed it, eloping that is going to be up and running this fall. I am currently gathering some stories about couple who’ve eloped so they can share all their details and thoughts with others in our “Share Your Story” section.
If you are interested, I have attached a word doc for you to fill out. You can just send it back to me rather than the address that is in the doc. That’s the head honchos address and I have to edit the stories before I forward them on to her.
I hope you are interested and I would love to hear from you soon! Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns you might have.
Thank you for your time,
Stephanie
http://www.letselope.com
sbeener8126@comcast.net
PS – I couldn’t attach anything but if you are interested, please contact me and I will get the doc over to you right away.
Frugal Trenches says
Just reading through your blog and I can’t believe how alike we are. I feel sickened by the wedding culture in North America, less so in Europe. So many people spend thousands of dollars to invite people they don’t really like, family they aren’t really close with, so they can go into debt and carry that debt so they can’t be with their kids.
Weddings are about the husband and wife, who came up with the crazy notion to invite another 200 people??
ALL the big weddings I’ve been to have ended in divorce….!
Carolyn says
When my parents got engaged, my grandparents gave them a pretty generous budget for the 1970’s. My parents had a small wedding with a potluck reception, a donated reception hall, my mom wearing her mom’s dress, etc etc. They took the rest of the budget and spent it on a seven month honeymoon, staying in hostels and working odd jobs on kibbushes and onion farms. They visited all of Europe– watched the sun rise over Rome on Christmas, watched it set over Athens on New Year’s Eve– and most of the Middle East–they celebrated their six month wedding anniversary in the Gaza strip.
That’s my big plan for a wedding. Those seven months forced them to work together and really bonded them much more than nice flowers or food would.